West Staines Massive

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As if you needed any more reasons to hate the New York Times, here’s one of their trademark columnists using a single personal anecdote to proclaim an entire societal trend:

That dinner party was almost 10 years ago; it was the last time I saw anyone visibly drunk at a New York party. The New York apartments and lofts which were once the scenes of old-fashioned drunken carnage — slurred speech, broken crockery, broken legs and arms, broken marriages and broken dreams — are now the scene of parties where both friendships and glassware survive intact. Everyone comes on time, behaves well, drinks a little wine, eats a few tiny canapés, and leaves on time. They all still drink, but no one gets drunk anymore. Neither do they smoke. What on earth has happened?

Try and follow the logic here. The author hasn’t seen anyone get shitfaced in a while. Ergo, no one gets shitfaced anymore. Makes perfect sense to me. Maybe you should go to parties with people other than your fucking bridge club, honey. If you think people in New York don’t get drunk anymore, you may very well be the dumbest person alive.

” - -Drew Magary